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Dog Jokes -  collection from circulating emails

Sign on a Fence

 "Salesmen welcome.  Dog food is expensive"
 

Are You Owned by Your Dog?

How many of these statements apply to you and your dog?

  1. You believe every dog is a lap dog.

  2. If you are cold, you put a sweater on your dog.

  3. You have a picture of your dog in your wallet, but not one of your kids.

  4. You often claim that it was love at first sight with you and your dog.

  5. You have your dog talk to your friends on the phone.

  6. You can't fully enjoy yourself without your dog.

  7. No matter how large your bed is, it is not large enough for you and your dog (s).

  8. You spend more on clothes and food for your dog than you do for yourself.

  9. You have no reservations about kissing your dog on the lips, even when you know where his lips have been.

  10. You believe it is your duty to talk to, pat, and even feed every dog in the neighborhood. You know their names.

  11. You let the neighbor's dog sleep over.

  12. You believe there is no such thing as a naughty dog.

  13. Your vet and grooming bills exceed your rent.

  14. When you need someone to talk to, your dog is your first choice.

  15. You sit on the floor if the dog got in the chair first.

The result of too much inbreeding

Ever Wonder Why???

  1. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
  2. If they are both dogs then why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
  3. If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

PACK OF DOGS KILL ALLIGATOR IN FLORIDA

WARNING - This is not for the faint of heart.......

HEADLINE:  Dogs savage an alligator ..

Sometimes nature is cruel, but there is also a beauty in that cruelty.

The alligator, even though one of the ultimate predators,
can fall victim to the kind of implemented 'team work' strategy
 which is possible due to the pack mentality and social structure of canines.

Remarkable photograph courtesy of Nature Magazine

GROANERS...

Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?      Right Where You Left Him.

Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?     Because It Scares The Dog.

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

  1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
  2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
  3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
  4. Rottweiler: Make me.
  5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
  6. Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
  7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
  8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture..
  9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!
  10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
  11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or "We don't need no stinking light bulb."
  12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
  13. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
  14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Dog's Top 10 Pet Peeves about Humans

  1. Blaming your farts on me!  not cool... not cool at all.
  2. Freaking Out at me for barking... I'm A Friggin' Dog, you Idiot~ Didn't you know that's what I'd do when you got me!?
  3. Taking me for walks, then not letting me sniff around or check stuff out.  Exactly what's the purpose anyway??? Torture?
  4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...  Just stop it.
  5. Haircuts that involve bows or ribbons... Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you leave the house.
  6. The sleight of hand/ fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog!  Ooooohhhhh, what a proud moment that should be for you!
  7. Following me around with those stupid plastic bags .  You Don't See Me Picking Up Your Poop Do You?
  8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, I haven't quite mastered the handshake yet.
  9. Dog sweaters.  Hello ???... Did you Not Notice the fur?
  10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself.  Look, we both know the truth~You'd do the same thing if you could!

Actual Newspaper Ads

  1. FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER: 8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites.
  2. FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
  3. FREE PUPPIES: Part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.
  4. FREE GERMAN SHEPHERD: 85 lbs. Neutered, Speaks German.
  5. FOUND - DIRTY WHITE DOG: Looks like a rat - been out a while - better be a reward.
 
 

Kitty Liberation Front is looking for more dog jokes
 Please
Contact US if you know of one!